every thought is a reference to the actor, to the player, to the doer, and that references to ourself. all of that derives massive plastic self-reference. we have to construct and enrich a strongly center itself, a person, in our brain through its changing itself in a powerful, plastic way. we're also constructed through these same processes to attach to the other people, to the other things we are close to in life. that is the basis of the attachment of the mother to the child or the child to the mother. through millions of the events of contact and interaction, all of those counts in ways that actually grow the child into the person that is the mother. we are constructed to build attachments between mother and child, between friends, across our families, and across our communities. this is something that we have to nourish, that we have to keep alive, that we have to keep healthy.